I can still remember walking into the gym during a Freshman dance, where the college newbies met for an icebreaker the second day of the first semester. I had this cocky attitude trolling for the best-looking girl in the room. Me and a couple buddies of mine. Not that I knew what the plan was. But I sure knew I wanted to get noticed. It was kinda like John Travolta strolling onto the dance floor in his white suit ready to impress in Saturday Night Fever. I think Stayin’ Alive (the movie’s theme song) was rolling around in my head while I was setting the pace to the music with each step I took. Remember that opening scene? Oh boy. What the heck was that all about?
I do know this. I wasn’t alone in carrying this image of someone I wanted to be or at least wanted to be perceived as. My “act” together at the ripe old age of 18. Someone that was going places. Never mind I didn’t even know where the bathroom was. I got this life figured out and I’m gonna look like something special, even if I look like an idiot doing it.
That my friends was the image of my false-self. The one that I created absent knowing what life was really about. You see, I was carrying around that age-old question without an answer. Do I have what it takes? What it takes to make my mark on this world, to be significant, to be noticed, to be special, and for people to like me. My definition of success was everything the world thought was important. Prestige, money, power. All opposite of what Jesus modeled in His life and leadership style. The first will be last and the last will be first. I was already dreaming of strolling into the board room with the same level of swag and impressiveness as I exhibited strolling into that dance.
And that’s the memo. An excerpt from my upcoming book, 90 Days on the Inside – A Short-Timers Journey of Brokenness, Surrender, Healing & Redemption