When I was a child, I would often have visions and dreams and at times, believe I could hear God’s voice inside of me directing my path. But as I grew older, I fell prisoner to the belief that God no longer speaks to us directly unless we are possessed or mentally ill. And so, I denied my experience for years.
In my early 30s, I became dissatisfied with serving such a distant God when the bible was full of instances of God walking and talking with his people. So, I began to pray that God would show me the truth, and if it was possible, I would like to feel as close to him as I do when I and a girlfriend sit down over a cup of coffee. Within a few years, my prayer was granted.
First I needed to ensure that I could understand the way he was speaking with me. And my discerning the voices test became a reality. The test involved obedience to what God was asking of me which involved unconditional love. And it went like this: would Satan want me to do this? Since it involved Agape love, I was usually safe with a no on that one. Did I want to do it? If my answer felt like I was screaming no, then I knew it was not me who was coming up with the idea. And then it only left God. Would God want me to do it? I have not found that anything involving servant-hearted love toward another, especially at a cost to me (an inconvenience or got in the way of plans that I had) was a yes.
Here is what it looked like in practicality. I worked in a local mission and on the first day of work, I pulled into the parking lot and saw a man walking around with his head down. He had a cane with the end fashioned like a freshly sharpened pencil. And he was using the cane to pick up cigarette butts that had been scattered around the parking lot. He looked as if a comb had never touched his long, straggly, unclean hair. His clothes were filthy, and he was missing one eye and had some kind of yellow “goop” running down his face from the eye socket. He was short and hunchbacked, mumbling to himself while he worked, with no smile to be found on his face. His name was Remy.
Now, the only reason that I had taken the job at the mission was to help their free medical clinics evaluate their opportunities when some form of national healthcare became a reality. I had never said to myself “I want to work with the homeless”. But I was being obedient to God calling me to this job. If I am being totally honest, I was kind of scared of homeless people and Remy fit the description of all my fears. Grateful that God used this man to rock my stereotypes and start my journey of giving my life to serve those on the margins of society. More on that another day.
As I entered the parking lot, I hear a small voice inside of me say, go give that man a hug. I ignored the voice. But when the direction kept repeating itself, and was getting stronger inside of me, I put the voice to the test. Would Satan want me to do this? No, he doesn’t want to see this man loved on! Do I want to do this? Absolutely not! Would God want me to do this? Yes, this is in-line with His upside-down kingdom.
So, I started to barter with God. How about I just introduce myself, and offer to pray for him? No, I need you to give him a hug. Really? I think prayer would be a good start. You need to give Remy a hug! I finally got out of the car, approached Remy, and asked his name. No answer, just more mumbling to himself. So, I told him my name. Same result. So, then I asked Remy if I could give him a hug. And he flipped his cane with the sharp end toward me and chased me into the building while screaming a list of curse words while I was running for my life. To say it did not go well would be an understatement. But at least I had been obedient, and that was all over.
The next day, I pulled into the parking lot, saw Remy, and heard the same instruction. As I was fighting with God over how things went yesterday and that I could pray from a safe distance, the instruction did not change, and it was very clear what God wanted me to do. So, I get out of the car, approach a little more carefully than yesterday and half holler out “hi, my name is Colleen” and Remy looks at me, and tells me his name. So, then I asked if Remy would like a hug. No sooner did I get the words out; this precious man fell into my arms bawling. And he was mumbling how much he needed this as the only person who ever hugged him was his father who died seven years ago on this day.
Over time, Remy and I developed a relationship, and we were able to help him. What I did not realize was he was not a guest at the mission, slept outside in a park, but felt safe on the campus. We eventually, in a very trauma-informed way, were able to get him to sleep inside and eventually got him into an apartment with a caregiver. Remy went to his eternal home seven years ago. I am not sure who changed more from our friendship, but I suspect it was me. To know that Remy, a Vietnam war vet who lost his eye in combat, spent the final 8 years of his life at peace rather than surviving on the street, was a great gift from God.
John 10:27 says “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me”. It is so important that believers learn to hear God’s voice and follow. For God has great things for you in your obedience to His call. He is so gracious to allow us to be part of His work in this messed-up world!
And that’s the mid-week memo.
Colleen
