A couple of years ago, God had revealed some areas of brokenness in my life that had become the building blocks to my distorted view of my identity. On the phone with Colleen and Steve, I told them what God had shown me. Part of me was excited to discover a new place to embrace my brokenness. I had been experiencing significant spiritual breakthroughs, and the revealing of those broken places meant opportunities to find healing.
But another part of me was dreading the journey. While healing would come, and I knew it would be worth it, I also knew that in the process, I would have to face a lifetime of fears, insecurities, and doubts. I would have to ask God the hard questions and forfeit comfort for growth. I would have to tear down my castle of self-sufficiency so He could build a testimony of dependence on Him. God was preparing me for years of refinement by fire.
God showed me that my brokenness was spilling over onto everyone around me. The messiness of my sin was causing pain and trauma. How could I be the best wife, mother, friend, human if I continued operating in the brokenness God had revealed to me? It all felt so heavy in my heart. I was disheartened by the work ahead.
During that phone call, I remember saying, “I just want to be my most healed self for my family.”
I wanted the healing now. I’ll never forget the words Colleen said next. “Maybe it’s less about being completely healed and more about your willingness to be on the journey toward healing.”
It was as if those words set my heart free from perfectionism and the urgency to “fix” what was broken.
Maybe my kids wouldn’t have the perfect, most healed mom I thought they needed, but I could give them a mom who showed up in humility, authenticity, and grace. Maybe the enemy’s lies would still claw at me, but now they wouldn’t have free rein over my life like they used to. Now, they would crack under the new truths I discovered about God and His view of me as His precious child.
It’s true – complete healing won’t come until we are standing face to face with Jesus. But until then, how sweet it is to be shown fragments of the path leading to it.
Friend, are you willing to go on that journey?
Wholeheartedly, Katie
